How to survive the the first 1-3 months with a new baby

Having a newborn baby can be life changing. It is common to have mixed emotions and not feel prepared. Having a newborn can be a very challenging time. Here are some tips that can be helpful from what I have learned working with postpartum moms/parents.

Self care- Self care is ever evolving and what you may need one day may not be what you need the next day. It is good to have options to make sure you are getting some sort of self care each day. Self care can be many different things- embracing your creative side, reading a book, calling a support person, getting enough food to eat, getting some movement, getting outside, sitting quietly or meditation. Self care can take all different forms. It is important to remember yourself through all of this and continue to support your needs as well as you baby’s needs. It is okay to say no. If you aren’t up for a visitor or you would not like your mother in law to move in for the first 2 weeks- it is okay to say no, it is important to listen to what you need.

Lower expectations- having a baby can be wonderful. It can also be exhausting, boring, and challenging. It is okay to not love being a parent every moment of every day. If you find that you are not feeling any joy or do not feel connected to your baby click here. But if you have moments of joy and moments that you are not enjoying the newborn phase it is okay to take the pressure off that you have to love being a parent every moment of every day. Lowering expectations can also refer to the amount of things you want to get done in a day or what you thought this phase might look like.

Get into a routine- And no I am not referring to a big schedule that has you up at 5 a.m., working out at 6 a.m. and then making breakfast. I am referring to a more simplified routine. Between baby’s morning naps would you like to get in some movement, or get something to eat or is this a good time to get in some extra sleep for yourself. While at this stage when your baby will nap is largely out of control, but it can help to do a loose plan for the in between times or just picking one thing you want to get done each day. It can also help with feeling like yourself again to take a shower and get dressed each day when you are able to.

Build a community- I am sure you have all heard the quote- “it takes a village”. While you do not need an entire village to raise a baby, it is nice to have help and support around you. It can be important to connect with other new parents and it is nice to know who you can call or text when you just need someone to talk to. A community does not have to be just family and friends. It can be providers that support you- your doctor/midwife, your therapist, your pediatrician. All of these people are part of your community and part of your support team.

Be flexible- When you have a baby you do all kinds of planning. You plan for childcare and what the baby might need, you plan a room and where they will sleep. You plan what kind of parent you may be and what you might need from your partner if you have one. And then you have the baby and many of those lovely plans were not what you need. Something I hear over and over again from new moms is they had no idea what these first few weeks would be like. A baby is not going to fit into neat plans. Having a baby requires constant flexibility. Needs are constantly changing and it requires a lot of reassessing and pivoting on what is working for you and what is working for baby.

Ask for help- Do not hesitate to ask for help. Whether you have a question for your OBGYN or you Pediatrician- they are there to help. You are not bothering them. As a new parent you are not expected to be an expert at parenting. If you have questions ask. If you need support from a therapist Madison or a lactation consult or a postpartum doula, ask for help. If you need help at home or family support- ask for help.

For more information on Postpartum care or a therapist Madison contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

Pregnancy after infertility

You have been trying for days, months, maybe even years. Part of you felt that it was never going to happen, maybe you even started to prepare yourself for that and then it does. And maybe you feel some joy, but you might also feel shock, denial or numb. It might not feel real even after you take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. Everyone has advice to give when it comes to getting pregnant when diagnosed with infertility but what happens when you get pregnant after infertility?

Does the infertility diagnosis go away?

No! You are not suddenly cured because you now are pregnant. It doesn’t take away the stress, the longing, the anger, the resentment, how its impacted your mental health or your finances or the impact it had on relationships.

Why do I feel like an imposter?

You may feel like an imposter after getting pregnant. You have wanted to be in this group of pregnant people for so long and now that you are here it doesn’t feel right. You feel like you don’t fit in. Infertility has changed you and changed this narrative you have had about becoming a parent.

Why do I fell guilty?

You may even feel guilty after becoming pregnant. It is common to feel guilty about leaving behind those that are still struggling with infertility. This can be isolating and feel very lonely. If you are feeling like an imposter in the pregnancy group, but also no longer feel like you fit in the infertility groups it can be hard to feel supported.

I am pregnant so I can’t complain.

It is so common for women to feel like if pregnancy is hard or not what they expected that they are allowed to feel this way. You may be telling yourself well this is what I wanted so I can’t complain or you may also be hearing this from others or well you got pregnant what did you expect. Even if you have a very wanted pregnancy that you tried very hard to get, pregnancy is still hard, uncomfortable at times, and not what you expected. Your feelings are VALID!

I don’t feel attached to my pregnancy.

It is common after infertility or a loss to not feel attached right away. This is your protective part telling you this isn’t safe, we need to protect you. For most of you this will grow and develop naturally. If it doesn’t feel like you are slowly starting to develop or that it is feeling more and more real- therapy can help.

I am feeling anxious.

It is common to notice some anxiety or sadness about being pregnant. If you are noticing these frequently or noticing that they are increasing it is important to get help. If you are noticing intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks there is help.

To learn more about infertility counseling in Madison or anywhere in Wisconsin or to set up your free 15 minute consultation you can reach me here for a therapist Madison.

Postpartum Care Physical Therapy in Madison, WI

I had the honor of interviewing local physical therapist, Jessica Dufault from Mindful Motion Physical Therapy to learn more about how she helps postpartum care in Madison. She specializes in pelvic floor and women’s wellness. She is an excellent resource for women in the pre/postnatal stage and also works with women that have experienced a pregnancy loss.

Julie: Hello Jessica,

Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me. Would you start by introducing yourself?

Jessica: Hello,

I'm excited to be talking with you about pelvic health today and thanks for inviting me!

I'm a mom, partner, business owner and Pelvic PT in a small private practice. I support people throughout their lifespan (18+ years old, my wisest client was 94!)

Julie: Who can benefit from PT for the pelvic floor?

Jessica: Anyone with a pelvis! But specifically if you've gone through life transitions such as pregnancy, postpartum and perimenopause. During these times, your health and pelvis can undergo transitions that can be challenging to navigate alone and may sometimes require additional TLC.

Julie: I work with a lot of pre/postpartum moms. What are some symptoms that they may notice if they need physical therapy?

Jessica: Great question! If you are pre/postpartum, here are some things to look out for

Peeing when you don't want to

Prolapse which is a shift in position of pelvic organs (feeling of pressure, heaviness or a "falling out" feeling)

Difficulty with internal menstrual product use

Pain with penetration, including sex, exams, menstrual products

Scar tissue restrictions or pain (perineal or cesarean)

Diastasis Recti (separation of abdominal tissue) which can lead to feeling weak or even LBP

Pain in areas like the low back, sacroiliac joint, hip. As well as sciatica and pubic symphysis dysfunction

You may also be looking for guidance on exercise or fitness

You may want support for prepping your body for demands of pregnancy and birth

Julie: If someone has a cesarean birth is PT still helpful?

Jessica: Yes! I had an unplanned cesarean and I had NO idea how difficult the recovery would be and didn't have the support I needed (which is one factor that pushed me from an orthopedic PT to a pelvic PT!).

Taking care of the scar tissue, assessing the position and movement of pelvic organs and regaining abdominal strength are all very important to ensure good long term pelvic health.

Julie: I also work a lot with bereaved moms. I think a lot of times they don't always think about being postpartum because they are not given the same attention as a mom that is lucky enough to bring a baby home. Do you have experience working with bereaved moms? How might your work look different? What might be important for them to know?

Jessica: I don't have a lot of experience here but over the years I have supported a few people who've experienced loss in pregnancy, during birth or a few weeks after birth. And maybe my experience is limited because of what you've already mentioned, that they aren't given the same attention, resources and discussion on all aspects of physical postpartum support. And yet they have the right and deserve the same access to physical pregnancy/post-pregnancy care.

Because if you have experienced a miscarriage in early or mid pregnancy prior to 20 weeks, or a stillbirth (whether vaginal or cesarean) at anytime past 20 weeks, your body has been impacted by hormones and all the accompanying physical changes to the body that pregnancy and birth can bring on. Which deserves attention and support!

We can start early education and support depending on each person's readiness however we wouldn't do a full pelvic assessment until 6 weeks post birth.

All of my clients are screened for mental and emotional health and this helps me to understand where they are in the (potential) grieving process as well as what support they've been able to access and then I can fill in referral gaps as necessary.

And with all clients, I follow their lead in how we approach the plan of care and meet them where they are and with what they (and their bodies) seem ready for. This is especially important for clients with a history of trauma or loss.

Julie: This is so helpful. Thank you! It is a great to know that you are aware and sensitive to the trauma and grief that all these moms are going through and ways to support them.

Julie: What are the benefits that PT can offer?

Jessica: Navigating changes in our bodies can be a lot and accessing a pelvic PT can help people feel well supported physically, emotionally & mentally. Knowing you don't have to "go at it alone" or "suffer in silence" can have a profound impact.

Also it's not just about the pelvic floor! My training and education allow me to support people with all aspects of their health and wellness as it relates to menstruation, fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause & menopause.

Julie: If someone is interested in working with you, how do they initiate that?

Jessica: Our website is a great place to start. Lots of info there on who we support and all the options- like using insurance, choosing our ​self-pay programs or even our online programs. We also offer online scheduling through our website.

We do have a free and private Facebook group that everyone is welcome to join if they are looking for more community, support and general pelvic health education.

Julie: Thank you so much Jessica for taking the time to meet with me today. Is there any other information that would be important to know?

Jessica: I often get feedback that our space feels very warm and inviting and that talking with me is way easier than they anticipated (and they say "I wish I had come sooner!") We work hard to make the experience feel supportive and easy. If anyone has reservations, I'm also open to chatting via email or phone call as necessary to make sure it's the right fit overall.

Julie: Jessica you are a valuable resource to the community. Thank you so much for talking with me today and all that you do for the postpartum moms. One of the reasons I asked Jessica to speak today is because of all the great content I see her putting on instagram for free. If you haven’t found her on there yet she is

that_ pelvic _lady.

For more resources on pregnancy or postpartum mental health contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.