How to survive the the first 1-3 months with a new baby

Having a newborn baby can be life changing. It is common to have mixed emotions and not feel prepared. Having a newborn can be a very challenging time. Here are some tips that can be helpful from what I have learned working with postpartum moms/parents.

Self care- Self care is ever evolving and what you may need one day may not be what you need the next day. It is good to have options to make sure you are getting some sort of self care each day. Self care can be many different things- embracing your creative side, reading a book, calling a support person, getting enough food to eat, getting some movement, getting outside, sitting quietly or meditation. Self care can take all different forms. It is important to remember yourself through all of this and continue to support your needs as well as you baby’s needs. It is okay to say no. If you aren’t up for a visitor or you would not like your mother in law to move in for the first 2 weeks- it is okay to say no, it is important to listen to what you need.

Lower expectations- having a baby can be wonderful. It can also be exhausting, boring, and challenging. It is okay to not love being a parent every moment of every day. If you find that you are not feeling any joy or do not feel connected to your baby click here. But if you have moments of joy and moments that you are not enjoying the newborn phase it is okay to take the pressure off that you have to love being a parent every moment of every day. Lowering expectations can also refer to the amount of things you want to get done in a day or what you thought this phase might look like.

Get into a routine- And no I am not referring to a big schedule that has you up at 5 a.m., working out at 6 a.m. and then making breakfast. I am referring to a more simplified routine. Between baby’s morning naps would you like to get in some movement, or get something to eat or is this a good time to get in some extra sleep for yourself. While at this stage when your baby will nap is largely out of control, but it can help to do a loose plan for the in between times or just picking one thing you want to get done each day. It can also help with feeling like yourself again to take a shower and get dressed each day when you are able to.

Build a community- I am sure you have all heard the quote- “it takes a village”. While you do not need an entire village to raise a baby, it is nice to have help and support around you. It can be important to connect with other new parents and it is nice to know who you can call or text when you just need someone to talk to. A community does not have to be just family and friends. It can be providers that support you- your doctor/midwife, your therapist, your pediatrician. All of these people are part of your community and part of your support team.

Be flexible- When you have a baby you do all kinds of planning. You plan for childcare and what the baby might need, you plan a room and where they will sleep. You plan what kind of parent you may be and what you might need from your partner if you have one. And then you have the baby and many of those lovely plans were not what you need. Something I hear over and over again from new moms is they had no idea what these first few weeks would be like. A baby is not going to fit into neat plans. Having a baby requires constant flexibility. Needs are constantly changing and it requires a lot of reassessing and pivoting on what is working for you and what is working for baby.

Ask for help- Do not hesitate to ask for help. Whether you have a question for your OBGYN or you Pediatrician- they are there to help. You are not bothering them. As a new parent you are not expected to be an expert at parenting. If you have questions ask. If you need support from a therapist Madison or a lactation consult or a postpartum doula, ask for help. If you need help at home or family support- ask for help.

For more information on Postpartum care or a therapist Madison contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.”

— Ronald Reagan

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Here are some local events around Madison, WI to honor the babies gone too soon. At the end of the list are some options for ongoing virtual support on a national level.

October 6th- Fundraiser at Octopi Brewing Company for the Hope and Loss Clinic

October 7th- Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day Walk and Ceremony

October 8th- Morning Coffee with the Alana Rose Foundation

October 11th 12-1 p.m. Free Miscarriage virtual Support group hosted by Julie from Kull Counseling (therapist Madison)

October 12th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Advocate Aurora Oshkosh 2023 5-7 p.m.

October 15th Wave of Light at 7 p.m.

October 19th 6:30-8:30 p.m. The Bereaved Parents of Madison Hosts and in person support group

Other virtual options for support include Postpartum International and Return to Zero.

For more information about local support for Pregnancy or Infant Loss in Wisconsin. Email Julie C Kull, LCSW.

Exploring Sensations in our body

In 2021 I took a training called Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Level 1 Trauma themes. It was a 6 month training. It changed a lot for me; my awareness of my own body, how I work with my clients, and how I approach therapy. I knew I needed another approach to work within the body. So often in my sessions I would hear from clients that they knew something logically but they just weren’t sure why they didn’t believe it. It dawned on me that believing it was connected to feeling it, embodying it and mind and body being in congruence around it. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a bottom up approach. While the resources used in sensorimotor psychotherapy- breathing, centering, grounding are similar to other approaches the way that I work with them is a little different. I also work with posture and movement.

One thing that really stood out for me was differentiating feelings from sensations. You might have been taught about feelings growing up, but most of you were probably not made aware of sensations. Because this is new to most of you, it was to me, I have included a list of common sensations that might help you bring some more awareness into our bodies.

Achy, airy, bloated, blocked, breathless, bubbly, burning, buzzy, chills, churning, clammy, clenched, congested, constricted, cool, cold, damp, dense, dizzy, dull, electric, empty, energized, faint, flaccid, flushed, fluid, fluttery, floaty, fuzzy, goosebumps, heavy, hot, itchy, jerky, jumbly, knotted, light, moist, nauseaous, numb, paralyzed, pins and needles, prickly, puffy, quaking, quivery, radiating, sharp, shivery, shuddering, sore, stiff, suffocating, sweaty, tense, think, tight, tickley, tingly, trembling, twitchy, vibrating, warm, week and wobbly. (Ogden, P. & Fisher, J.,Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Interventions for Trauma and Attachment)

I work a lot with anxiety. So an example of what someone may be experiencing with anxiety could look like the following. If a client comes in with anxiety they may describe feeling anxious, or nervous. Those are feelings and that is really good awareness. I might ask what sensations go with that anxiety. In general many people do not know or haven’t thought about it. So we take it a step further and I would note that sometimes when I feel anxious my heart starts racing, I may notice a warmth or sweatiness, my stomach might feel like butterflies, fluttering or a knot, sometimes my shoulders feel tight or tense. Once we notice these sensations we can work with them.

What sensations do you notice in your body?

To learn more about working with sensations in the body, contact me (therapist Madison) julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness 2022

“I carry your heart with me, I am never without it.” - E.E. Cummings

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness day. So many emotions come up this time of year. Some of you may be apprehensive every year as fall approaches- you may notice feeling more irritable and having less capacity for other things. For some of you this may be a time of peace-peace in remembering your loved one and reconnection. For others this may bring up fear or anxiety. For others this may be a time of deep sadness and grief. However you are feeling about this month or day is okay. For those of you looking for a way to engage with others that have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss here are some options.

October

1st: Harley’s Hustle in person or virtual. Monroe, WI

2nd: Sunday, October 2nd, Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day. Madison, WI

6th: Free virtual miscarriage support group October 6th. Madison, WI hosted by Julie Kull, LCSW (therapist Madison).

15th: 7 p.m. your local time on October 15th, Wave of light. Light a candle at 7 p.m. to honor your baby. Nationally

20th: October 20th, 7:30 p.m. Bereaved Parents of Madison virtual support group. Madison, WI

To learn more about the miscarriage support group click here.

Postpartum Care Physical Therapy in Madison, WI

I had the honor of interviewing local physical therapist, Jessica Dufault from Mindful Motion Physical Therapy to learn more about how she helps postpartum care in Madison. She specializes in pelvic floor and women’s wellness. She is an excellent resource for women in the pre/postnatal stage and also works with women that have experienced a pregnancy loss.

Julie: Hello Jessica,

Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me. Would you start by introducing yourself?

Jessica: Hello,

I'm excited to be talking with you about pelvic health today and thanks for inviting me!

I'm a mom, partner, business owner and Pelvic PT in a small private practice. I support people throughout their lifespan (18+ years old, my wisest client was 94!)

Julie: Who can benefit from PT for the pelvic floor?

Jessica: Anyone with a pelvis! But specifically if you've gone through life transitions such as pregnancy, postpartum and perimenopause. During these times, your health and pelvis can undergo transitions that can be challenging to navigate alone and may sometimes require additional TLC.

Julie: I work with a lot of pre/postpartum moms. What are some symptoms that they may notice if they need physical therapy?

Jessica: Great question! If you are pre/postpartum, here are some things to look out for

Peeing when you don't want to

Prolapse which is a shift in position of pelvic organs (feeling of pressure, heaviness or a "falling out" feeling)

Difficulty with internal menstrual product use

Pain with penetration, including sex, exams, menstrual products

Scar tissue restrictions or pain (perineal or cesarean)

Diastasis Recti (separation of abdominal tissue) which can lead to feeling weak or even LBP

Pain in areas like the low back, sacroiliac joint, hip. As well as sciatica and pubic symphysis dysfunction

You may also be looking for guidance on exercise or fitness

You may want support for prepping your body for demands of pregnancy and birth

Julie: If someone has a cesarean birth is PT still helpful?

Jessica: Yes! I had an unplanned cesarean and I had NO idea how difficult the recovery would be and didn't have the support I needed (which is one factor that pushed me from an orthopedic PT to a pelvic PT!).

Taking care of the scar tissue, assessing the position and movement of pelvic organs and regaining abdominal strength are all very important to ensure good long term pelvic health.

Julie: I also work a lot with bereaved moms. I think a lot of times they don't always think about being postpartum because they are not given the same attention as a mom that is lucky enough to bring a baby home. Do you have experience working with bereaved moms? How might your work look different? What might be important for them to know?

Jessica: I don't have a lot of experience here but over the years I have supported a few people who've experienced loss in pregnancy, during birth or a few weeks after birth. And maybe my experience is limited because of what you've already mentioned, that they aren't given the same attention, resources and discussion on all aspects of physical postpartum support. And yet they have the right and deserve the same access to physical pregnancy/post-pregnancy care.

Because if you have experienced a miscarriage in early or mid pregnancy prior to 20 weeks, or a stillbirth (whether vaginal or cesarean) at anytime past 20 weeks, your body has been impacted by hormones and all the accompanying physical changes to the body that pregnancy and birth can bring on. Which deserves attention and support!

We can start early education and support depending on each person's readiness however we wouldn't do a full pelvic assessment until 6 weeks post birth.

All of my clients are screened for mental and emotional health and this helps me to understand where they are in the (potential) grieving process as well as what support they've been able to access and then I can fill in referral gaps as necessary.

And with all clients, I follow their lead in how we approach the plan of care and meet them where they are and with what they (and their bodies) seem ready for. This is especially important for clients with a history of trauma or loss.

Julie: This is so helpful. Thank you! It is a great to know that you are aware and sensitive to the trauma and grief that all these moms are going through and ways to support them.

Julie: What are the benefits that PT can offer?

Jessica: Navigating changes in our bodies can be a lot and accessing a pelvic PT can help people feel well supported physically, emotionally & mentally. Knowing you don't have to "go at it alone" or "suffer in silence" can have a profound impact.

Also it's not just about the pelvic floor! My training and education allow me to support people with all aspects of their health and wellness as it relates to menstruation, fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause & menopause.

Julie: If someone is interested in working with you, how do they initiate that?

Jessica: Our website is a great place to start. Lots of info there on who we support and all the options- like using insurance, choosing our ​self-pay programs or even our online programs. We also offer online scheduling through our website.

We do have a free and private Facebook group that everyone is welcome to join if they are looking for more community, support and general pelvic health education.

Julie: Thank you so much Jessica for taking the time to meet with me today. Is there any other information that would be important to know?

Jessica: I often get feedback that our space feels very warm and inviting and that talking with me is way easier than they anticipated (and they say "I wish I had come sooner!") We work hard to make the experience feel supportive and easy. If anyone has reservations, I'm also open to chatting via email or phone call as necessary to make sure it's the right fit overall.

Julie: Jessica you are a valuable resource to the community. Thank you so much for talking with me today and all that you do for the postpartum moms. One of the reasons I asked Jessica to speak today is because of all the great content I see her putting on instagram for free. If you haven’t found her on there yet she is

that_ pelvic _lady.

For more resources on pregnancy or postpartum mental health contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

Anxiety therapist Madison: Still coping with Covid-19 and anxiety

This is an article that was modified from another article that I wrote in 2020 about anxiety during covid.

It is 2022. We are still dealing with Covid-19. If you are noticing the weight of it hitting you again you are not alone. We are at the two year mark, going on year 3. Your anxiety may be on the rise again as we head into another year. Here are some coping tips I offered in 2020 which are still applicable now. I have added in a few additional ones.

1. Exercise- exercise is important for physical and mental health. If you have an anxiety disorder exercise plays an essential role in managing anxiety. Exercise not only releases serotonin and endorphins to improve your mood but also can reduce activation in the amygdala which is the area of the brain that sends a distress signal to activate our fight, flight, freeze response. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

2. Get outside- Time in the outdoors can be restorative. Having deficient levels of vitamin D can also be linked to depression and anxiety. https://www.unitypoint.org/livewell/article.aspx?id=ca7f4766-8ba8-43a2-bbe7-0ef9efab5c6d

3. Meditate- Meditation can improve focus, decrease anxiety, and help with emotion regulation among other benefits.

4. Keep a routine- our bodies thrive on routines. Routines can improve productivity, setting expectations and having some control.

5. Sleep- REM sleep can also play a role in decreasing activation in the amygdala. Setting up a sleep routine can signal to our body when it is time to go to sleep.

6. Social Support- these are hard times. While you many be social distancing from friends you do not need to isolate. Reaching out to friends can provide a sense of normalcy and a sense of belonging.

7. Manage your screen time- Between work, school and socializing online many of your are getting more screen time than you ever have before. Screen time can impact anxiety, sleep and overall well-being.

8. Focus on what you have control of- unfortunately with Covid-19 it may feel like there are many things that are out of your control. Focusing on these can lead to increased anxiety. Instead try focusing on what things are within your control. Make a plan for the things that are in your control, and let go of the things that are out of your control.

9. Stay present- Ask yourself what do I know in this moment instead of the what ifs.

10. Attitude of Gratitude- in the midst of all this chaos there is a lot to be grateful for. What do you feel grateful for? Write it down, say it out loud. Surround yourself with positive messages.

11. Be mindful when reading the news. Is it serving you? Are you finding out anything new? What does knowing this information do for you? How are you feeling when you read the news? Do you need a break?

12. It is okay if your comfort level changes- again, and again and again. Listen to your needs.

13. Get dressed for your day. Even if you are working from home. Even if you don’t have any meetings.

14. Weigh your risks. Everything has a risk when it comes to your physical and mental health. Calculate your risks versus what is important to you and then make your decision on what you are comfortable with.

15. Acceptance- you are living in a global pandemic. If you are having anxiety right now- accept that it is there. Acknowledge it, name it, allow yourself to notice how it feels- notice what sensations go with that feeling and allow them to be there.

    For more information on coping with anxiety during the pandemic or to set up a free 15-minute consultation email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com or 608.239.4807 to work with a therapist Madison.

Resources for New Moms/Parents in Madison, WI

Adjusting to parenthood can be tough. Adjusting to parenthood in the winter in a pandemic can lead to isolation and loneliness. Connecting with other new parents can help. Here are some local resources both virtual and in person that can help you connect.

Meriter Mother Baby Hour and Parent and Family Baby Hour-

-currently virtual

https://www.unitypoint.org/madison/parenting-communities.aspx

Fit 4 Mom- Harbor Athletic Club

-currently virtual

https://fit4mom.com/

Haumea- Located in Sun Prairie

Parent Social Hour (in person) and Baby and Me Yoga (virtual)

https://www.haumeamama.com/

Pax and Lux

Parent and Baby Group

virtual, Wednesdays 10-11 a.m.

https://www.paxandlux.net/parent-baby-group

Facebook Groups:

Hike it Baby

Meet up Groups:

https://www.meetup.com/

East Madison Moms

MOMS club of Middleton

Westside Mamas

For more resources for new moms or postpartum anxiety support, contact Julie at julie@kullcounselingmadison.com