Exploring Sensations in our body

In 2021 I took a training called Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Level 1 Trauma themes. It was a 6 month training. It changed a lot for me; my awareness of my own body, how I work with my clients, and how I approach therapy. I knew I needed another approach to work within the body. So often in my sessions I would hear from clients that they knew something logically but they just weren’t sure why they didn’t believe it. It dawned on me that believing it was connected to feeling it, embodying it and mind and body being in congruence around it. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a bottom up approach. While the resources used in sensorimotor psychotherapy- breathing, centering, grounding are similar to other approaches the way that I work with them is a little different. I also work with posture and movement.

One thing that really stood out for me was differentiating feelings from sensations. You might have been taught about feelings growing up, but most of you were probably not made aware of sensations. Because this is new to most of you, it was to me, I have included a list of common sensations that might help you bring some more awareness into our bodies.

Achy, airy, bloated, blocked, breathless, bubbly, burning, buzzy, chills, churning, clammy, clenched, congested, constricted, cool, cold, damp, dense, dizzy, dull, electric, empty, energized, faint, flaccid, flushed, fluid, fluttery, floaty, fuzzy, goosebumps, heavy, hot, itchy, jerky, jumbly, knotted, light, moist, nauseaous, numb, paralyzed, pins and needles, prickly, puffy, quaking, quivery, radiating, sharp, shivery, shuddering, sore, stiff, suffocating, sweaty, tense, think, tight, tickley, tingly, trembling, twitchy, vibrating, warm, week and wobbly. (Ogden, P. & Fisher, J.,Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Interventions for Trauma and Attachment)

I work a lot with anxiety. So an example of what someone may be experiencing with anxiety could look like the following. If a client comes in with anxiety they may describe feeling anxious, or nervous. Those are feelings and that is really good awareness. I might ask what sensations go with that anxiety. In general many people do not know or haven’t thought about it. So we take it a step further and I would note that sometimes when I feel anxious my heart starts racing, I may notice a warmth or sweatiness, my stomach might feel like butterflies, fluttering or a knot, sometimes my shoulders feel tight or tense. Once we notice these sensations we can work with them.

What sensations do you notice in your body?

To learn more about working with sensations in the body, contact me (therapist Madison) julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness 2022

“I carry your heart with me, I am never without it.” - E.E. Cummings

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness day. So many emotions come up this time of year. Some of you may be apprehensive every year as fall approaches- you may notice feeling more irritable and having less capacity for other things. For some of you this may be a time of peace-peace in remembering your loved one and reconnection. For others this may bring up fear or anxiety. For others this may be a time of deep sadness and grief. However you are feeling about this month or day is okay. For those of you looking for a way to engage with others that have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss here are some options.

October

1st: Harley’s Hustle in person or virtual. Monroe, WI

2nd: Sunday, October 2nd, Forever in our Hearts Remembrance Day. Madison, WI

6th: Free virtual miscarriage support group October 6th. Madison, WI hosted by Julie Kull, LCSW (therapist Madison).

15th: 7 p.m. your local time on October 15th, Wave of light. Light a candle at 7 p.m. to honor your baby. Nationally

20th: October 20th, 7:30 p.m. Bereaved Parents of Madison virtual support group. Madison, WI

To learn more about the miscarriage support group click here.

Anxiety therapist Madison: Still coping with Covid-19 and anxiety

This is an article that was modified from another article that I wrote in 2020 about anxiety during covid.

It is 2022. We are still dealing with Covid-19. If you are noticing the weight of it hitting you again you are not alone. We are at the two year mark, going on year 3. Your anxiety may be on the rise again as we head into another year. Here are some coping tips I offered in 2020 which are still applicable now. I have added in a few additional ones.

1. Exercise- exercise is important for physical and mental health. If you have an anxiety disorder exercise plays an essential role in managing anxiety. Exercise not only releases serotonin and endorphins to improve your mood but also can reduce activation in the amygdala which is the area of the brain that sends a distress signal to activate our fight, flight, freeze response. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

2. Get outside- Time in the outdoors can be restorative. Having deficient levels of vitamin D can also be linked to depression and anxiety. https://www.unitypoint.org/livewell/article.aspx?id=ca7f4766-8ba8-43a2-bbe7-0ef9efab5c6d

3. Meditate- Meditation can improve focus, decrease anxiety, and help with emotion regulation among other benefits.

4. Keep a routine- our bodies thrive on routines. Routines can improve productivity, setting expectations and having some control.

5. Sleep- REM sleep can also play a role in decreasing activation in the amygdala. Setting up a sleep routine can signal to our body when it is time to go to sleep.

6. Social Support- these are hard times. While you many be social distancing from friends you do not need to isolate. Reaching out to friends can provide a sense of normalcy and a sense of belonging.

7. Manage your screen time- Between work, school and socializing online many of your are getting more screen time than you ever have before. Screen time can impact anxiety, sleep and overall well-being.

8. Focus on what you have control of- unfortunately with Covid-19 it may feel like there are many things that are out of your control. Focusing on these can lead to increased anxiety. Instead try focusing on what things are within your control. Make a plan for the things that are in your control, and let go of the things that are out of your control.

9. Stay present- Ask yourself what do I know in this moment instead of the what ifs.

10. Attitude of Gratitude- in the midst of all this chaos there is a lot to be grateful for. What do you feel grateful for? Write it down, say it out loud. Surround yourself with positive messages.

11. Be mindful when reading the news. Is it serving you? Are you finding out anything new? What does knowing this information do for you? How are you feeling when you read the news? Do you need a break?

12. It is okay if your comfort level changes- again, and again and again. Listen to your needs.

13. Get dressed for your day. Even if you are working from home. Even if you don’t have any meetings.

14. Weigh your risks. Everything has a risk when it comes to your physical and mental health. Calculate your risks versus what is important to you and then make your decision on what you are comfortable with.

15. Acceptance- you are living in a global pandemic. If you are having anxiety right now- accept that it is there. Acknowledge it, name it, allow yourself to notice how it feels- notice what sensations go with that feeling and allow them to be there.

    For more information on coping with anxiety during the pandemic or to set up a free 15-minute consultation email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com or 608.239.4807 to work with a therapist Madison.

Resources for New Moms/Parents in Madison, WI

Adjusting to parenthood can be tough. Adjusting to parenthood in the winter in a pandemic can lead to isolation and loneliness. Connecting with other new parents can help. Here are some local resources both virtual and in person that can help you connect.

Meriter Mother Baby Hour and Parent and Family Baby Hour-

-currently virtual

https://www.unitypoint.org/madison/parenting-communities.aspx

Fit 4 Mom- Harbor Athletic Club

-currently virtual

https://fit4mom.com/

Haumea- Located in Sun Prairie

Parent Social Hour (in person) and Baby and Me Yoga (virtual)

https://www.haumeamama.com/

Pax and Lux

Parent and Baby Group

virtual, Wednesdays 10-11 a.m.

https://www.paxandlux.net/parent-baby-group

Facebook Groups:

Hike it Baby

Meet up Groups:

https://www.meetup.com/

East Madison Moms

MOMS club of Middleton

Westside Mamas

For more resources for new moms or postpartum anxiety support, contact Julie at julie@kullcounselingmadison.com

Setting an intention for 2020

Last year I wrote this article and it has been updated for 2020. This year I set not only an intention for the year but also looking forward to a new decade.

Last year’s intention was growth. I pushed myself personally and professionally to do things that made me really uncomfortable and that helped me grow. Setting an intention can help you to focus not only on what you want out of the year but also help to hold you accountable. I challenge you to post your intention somewhere that you can see it this year or maybe even somewhere that others can see it too!

Only a few more days and 2019 will be at a close. For many people this is a welcome change. The start of a new year signals beginnings, and provides an opportunity for change and growth. What do we want from this new year? How will it be different than last year? What do we wish was different in our life? What needs to change this year for us? While I am not big on New Year’s resolutions, I do like setting intentions and working to achieve goals.

According to Mind Body Green, “Intentions are the fuel to manifesting your goals and visions.” There are many different ways to set an intention, but this year I challenge you to set a one-word intention. Think of one word that will help guide you in the next year to get you closer to your goals or visions. When we create a long list of goals or resolutions, it can be difficult to stick with. Focusing on one word can provide focus on your intention and more obtainable goals.

My intention this year is to live intentionally.

This means paying attention to what I give and take from my environment.

Paying attention to how I am giving and taking energy from others.

Focusing on the present.

Ways to use Intentions:

• Create a mantra around it that you can repeat to yourself or just say the word.

• Post the word somewhere you can see it - on your bathroom mirror, your daily planner or set your phone screen with a picture of your intention.

• Journal about how your intention is being incorporated into your life.

• Meditate on this word.

• Share your word, ask friends close to you to set an intention and discuss how this word is showing up in your life.

• Create a collage with your intention in the middle and see what develops.

What will your intention be this year?

To learn more about setting intentions and growth check out www.kullcounselingmadison.com

The silent suffering of secondary infertility

“Is that your daughter? She's adorable. So you just have the one child?”

I overhear a mom speaking to another mom and cringe. Even before the other mom tells me that she's been trying to get pregnant for years, even before she tells me about her failed attempt at IVF.

According to the Mayo Clinic, Secondary Infertility is the inability to conceive or carry a child to term after already having a child. Secondary infertility, much like infertility can lead to feelings of: isolation, dissatisfaction with your body, anxiety, feelings of sadness, problems with your relationships and grief.

Secondary infertility also presents a new set of challenges:

1. Feeling like a bad mother-There are different reasons why you may feel like a bad mother. You might be feeling this way because you cannot get pregnant again. You might feel this way because infertility may be causing anxiety or depression and may effect your parenting. You may feel like a bad mother because you want to give your child a sibling.

2. Disconnection from your child- You may feel disconnected from your child. It may be hard for you to make sense of parenting a child that is here and grieving the one that you do not have. Infertility can be all consuming. You may have trouble staying present with your child.

3. Feeling split between wanting more kids and wondering why you had them in the first place-It is hard to have a child. Really hard. You may be having opposite feelings of wanting another child and at the same time feeling not cut out for parenting all together. It is really hard to think about having a child when your current child is taking all of your energy and mental space.

4. Feeling shame because you already have a child- You may be feeling shame about wanting another child. It is common to hear comments like “well at least you already have one” or “some people can’t have any”, “appreciate what you have”. You may also have trouble connecting with others that are struggling with infertility because you have a child and they may not.

If you are struggling with these symptoms you are not alone.

Ways to cope with secondary infertility:

1. Find support- Find someone that you can talk to about your feelings. Whether this is a professional, a support group, a family member or a friend, it is important to talk about your feelings and get validation that those feelings are real for you.

2. Make me time- In a culture that prides itself on being “so busy” take some time for yourself to do self care. Self care is not selfish, it is not a luxury, it is necessary. Taking time away from being a mother, partner and trying is important. Finding something for just you is important. This could be exercise, massage, getting your nails done, taking a class, sometimes even just grocery shopping by yourself can feel therapeutic. Make this a habit and set boundaries so that it happens on a regular basis.

3. Make special time to connect with your child- Find some time to spend time with your child in the moment. Whether this is reading a book at night or playing a game time find to be present with your child and connect.

4. Take some time with your partner-Spend time together outside of trying for another child. Go on a date. Have dinner without your child around. Make time to talk to each other.

5. Take a break- You may feel that it is necessary for your mental or physical health to take a break from trying.

6. Sit with the discomfort- know that these feelings will dissipate. Let them wash over you. Name them, acknowledge them, and let them pass. It is common for women going through infertility to feel a lack of control. This can be one of the hardest things for women to process, especially when they are planners and are used to being able to achieve goals. It is hard to sit with feelings of discomfort. Using grounding and mindfulness exercises can help with sitting with these feelings.

If you are struggling with secondary infertility I Can Help.

If you would like to learn more about coping with secondary infertility contact Julie at 608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com for a free 15 minute phone consultation.

The importance of self care

Self care. Do you feel like you are hearing those two words everywhere? Have you ever wondered what self care is and how to do it? Self care is defined as any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health according to  Psychology Today.

Self care is not just exercise or meditation but it certainly does include these things. Self care includes all the different areas in your life: Physical, Spiritual, Social, Cognitive/Mental. 

Physical- How can we physically take care of our bodies? One way is through movement. Exercise is a great form of self care. Examples include: Running, Walking, yoga, pilates, tai chi, stretching, dance, cleaning, hiking, kayaking, swimming, bicycling, getting a massage, and gardening are a few examples. The second physical way that we take care of our body is how we nourish it. What food are you putting into your body? Are you eating a balanced diet? How are you eating? Do you rush through your meals? Do you rely heavily on meal replacements? Are you cooking your meals? Or if you cook often can you take a break to eat at a restaurant? Self care and nutrition can look different depending on your dietary needs.

Spiritual- Are you nourishing your spiritual side? For some that may mean organized religion, for others that may be more spiritual or even philosophical. Examples include: going to church, volunteering within your religious community, taking time to be in nature, connecting to your spiritual side, taking a day of rest, prayer, meditation, or devotions.

Social- Self care for our social side can include social activities and social support. Social activities can include taking a class with others, going to a movie, going out to dinner, playing a sport together, going for a walk or joining a club, volunteering, joining a board, and hanging out with friends to name a few. Social support can include: friends, family, neighbors, religious community, colleagues, 

Cognitive/Mental- Cognitive self care involves stimulating your mind. This can include: reading, learning a new skill, taking a class, learning about something new. This also includes getting enough sleep. Mental self care is nourishing our emotional health. Examples of this include: mindfulness, meditation, journaling, painting, drawing, listening to music, playing an instrument, seeing a psychotherapist, and practicing relaxation exercises.

There are many ways to care for your self and self care will look different for each person. Many of these examples cross over to other categories. It is important to care for yourself in many different aspects of your life. Self care is important to your overall wellbeing. It does not need to take long but even incorporating a few minutes a day or trying one or two examples from above can make a big difference. 

For more ideas on adding self care into your life contact Kull Counseling at 608.239.4807 or julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.

Going back to work after a miscarriage

Miscarriage affects 1 in 4 people. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester. While it is common to have a miscarriage, how it affects you looks different for each person. A miscarriage can take a toll on your wellbeing. Many women struggle with how and when to return to work after having a miscarriage. Below are some considerations for deciding when to go back to work and some coping tips that may be useful at work.

Considerations to make before returning to work:

1. Is your body physically able to return to work?

Having a miscarriage can be a painful experience. It can drain you not only emotionally but physically. It is common that your hormones may be out of whack and is common that you will still have pregnancy symptoms and you may still feel pregnant. The miscarriage may take a few weeks to complete. You may need to take time away to schedule a D & C. You may need to consider what your job asks of you physically. Do you have to do any heavy lifting or be on your feet all day?

2. Are you emotionally ready to return to work?

Do you feel well enough emotionally ready to return to work? You might be having a hard time concentrating. You also may find that your emotions are consuming you. It is common to feel like your emotions are on a roller coaster often feeling more than one emotion at a time. It is common to feel sadness, anxiety, depression, loss of interest in things, isolated, and feeling disconnected from your body.

3. Will you tell anyone?

If you took some time off after/during your miscarriage your boss may wonder while you are out. Will you tell your boss? Have you thought about how you want to tell them? If you decide not to talk about it at work have you thought about what you might tell your coworkers if they ask where you were. Do you have anyone at work that you can trust or that your feel like you want to tell?

4. What can you do if you are feeling upset at work?

When you have a miscarriage it can affect you at different times. You might be feeling okay but then something may trigger thoughts of the miscarriage and feelings of sadness, frustration, isolation ect. Do you have coping skills at work when these feelings come on? Is their someone that you can talk to? Would you like some alone time? Where can you go? Your office, a bathroom, outside for a walk? Does deep breathing help you? A simple method is called four square breathing. Breathe in to the count of four, hold it to the count of four, exhale to the count of four, hold it and repeat. Can you do a grounding exercise? An exercise that is easy to remember is to just feel your feet. Put your feet flat on the floor and bring awareness to any sensations that you feel in your feet for the next minute.

5. When do you have to be back at work?

Do you know your work policies about how much time you can take off this may include bereavement leave or your company may even have a policy around pregnancy loss? Have you contacted the correct departments if you need more time off of work. Most companies have a human resources department that can help to guide you through this process. Can you work from home?

If you do not feel ready to return to work it is important to speak with your doctor. If you are feeling depressed or anxious most days it is also important to talk to your doctor or identify a psychotherapist that you can talk to.

For tips on returning to work and early pregnancy loss contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807.

Best practices for helping women after a miscarriage.

A miscarriage is pregnancy loss before twenty weeks. Early pregnancy loss is estimated to occur in 1 out of 4 women. Most miscarriages happen between 6-12 weeks gestation. Early pregnancy loss is considered a loss but also a trauma. I recently was asked by Kat Schuknecht to give a presentation to the Madison Postpartum collective on best practices in helping people through early pregnancy loss. Here is a summary of my presentation.

Miscarriage is an invisible loss. It is the loss of your baby but also the loss of your dreams to come. Many people wait until the second trimester to share pregnancy news. When pregnancy is unknown by others it can feel invisible to the couple that is grieving. There is no one asking how you are doing or checking in with you. It can be difficult to share your news with others because of the sense of shame and guilt that surrounds the stigma of miscarriage. Many women blame themselves even though it is not their fault. In most cultures there are no rituals or ceremonies to help people grieve. It is normal to grieve with others, you may grieve miscarriage alone or with only a few people and you may feel very isolated.  It can also feel very abstract. If you do decide to share the news of a miscarriage it can feel abstract to the people you are sharing it with. It can even feel this way for your partner. Women tend to connect with their pregnancy and baby early on while partners often connect later in the pregnancy or once the baby is born. This type of loss can feel very uncomfortable for people and you may find them shying away or not knowing what to say.

If you have had a miscarriage you have experienced a major loss. An earlier loss does not equal less grief. Grief does not go away, it becomes part of a new normal that you carry with you. Grief is not linear it is actually quite messy and make look different every day. Grief is different for each person. You have a right to your grief. Your partner's grief will be different from your own.

Miscarriage can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, emptiness, failure, feeling disconnected from your body and sadness. No two people feel the same way. We cannot assume that we know how someone is feeling.

Miscarriage can lead to women feeling disconnected from their bodies. It may lead to difficulties with intimacy. Because women may be feeling disconnected they can be unaware that they are holding trauma in there body. It is important if you do bodywork with people that you are taking a trauma informed approach.

A miscarriage is a loss but also a trauma. Having a miscarriage can trigger post traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms of PTSD to look for our: fatigue, trouble sleeping, hyperarousal, nightmares, lack of concentration, anxiety, depression, loss of appetite and frequent crying. Pregnancy after a loss can be triggering for people.

Women who experience a miscarriage can have postpartum depression or anxiety. Anytime a woman goes from pregnant to not pregnant there is a shift in hormones that can affect brain chemistry.  It can be difficult to identify what is grief and what is anxiety or depression.

How Can Professionals Help

Holding Space - Professionals can help by holding space for clients. Holding space is being present with clients. Starting where a client is and remaining non judgmental. It is providing an environment that honors your clients needs.

Communication - How we communicate with people about early pregnancy loss can greatly impact our work. By opening dialogue about early pregnancy loss we can normalize and help reduce stigma. Ask. Include questions about early pregnancy loss in your assessment.  Take cues from clients when addressing early pregnancy loss. Refer to it as your client does. Whether they call it a pregnancy, a baby or even a name. If you meet with couples acknowledging a partner's grief.

Advocacy - Advocate for your client's needs on different level. At a micro level address their needs within your office. Are there pictures you may want to take down in your office or waiting room? Does this client have to wait in a room full of pregnant women? Is it possible for them to wait in the office? If you have someone that needs support validating and normalizing that it is okay to need support. Connect them to resources in the community. Therapy and Support groups are a few sources of support.

What do clients want us to know? I surveyed a group of women that had experienced early pregnancy loss and this is what they wanted providers to know.  They wanted providers to:

• Be present with the client and loss

• To listen

• To validate

• To understand that grief is a lifelong process

• To be told they are a mom

If you are a provider or someone that has experienced miscarriage and our looking for resources Kull Counseling provides therapy and a free monthly miscarriage support group. Contact Julie at 608.239.4807 for a free 15-minute consultation.

When pregnancy after a loss doesn't feel like a rainbow

You've experienced a perinatal loss and now you are pregnant again. The response of some people may be "I am so excited" or "I feel so lucky to be pregnant after a loss" but what if that isn't your response?  What if your response sounds more like "I am terrified or nervous" or "what if it happens again?". 

A rainbow baby is defined as a baby that is born after a miscarriage or stillbirth. In life a rainbow appears after a storm. The storm is perinatal loss and the rainbow is your beautiful baby that has emerged from the darkness (Urban Dictonary). While being able to get pregnant after a loss can be a relief and joy, it can also bring about a mixture of emotions.

Here are some common emotions that you may experience during a rainbow pregnancy:

Anxiety- Many couples experience intense anxiety during a pregnancy with a rainbow baby. After a loss your sense of security is gone. You may worry constantly about the health of your pregnancy. Women can have difficult times attaching to their pregnancies depending on physical symptoms for reassurance or worrying at the absence of them. You may feel like you will jinx the pregnancy if you start to plan for a baby; telling family and friends you are pregnant, buying items to bring the baby home, picking out names or even just getting excited about the pregnancy. Simple check-ups at the doctors office can turn into anxiety and nightmares. Even every day tasks can seem daunting as you worry about how it will effect the well being of your pregnancy.

Depression- You may feel intense feelings of sadness about your loss. You may have guilt about feeling happy or sad. Some couples wait until they have processed their loss before they start trying again, while others may start trying right away. Whether or not you waited to start trying again, getting pregnant again can bring such a sense of relief but it can also bring up feelings of sadness that you may have thought were gone. 

Grief- While you might have felt that you processed your grief from your loss, a pregnancy after a loss may bring up some of your grief again. It can feel like this pregnancy is supposed to replace your loss. You may struggle with honoring the child you lost while also honoring the child you are pregnant with. It may be an internal struggle to sit with your feelings of grief while also being happy for the new life inside of you.

If you are feeling mixed emotions about being pregnant again, you are not alone. How you feel about your pregnancy may change each day if not each hour. Anxiety, Depression and Grief are common emotions but so are Happiness, Relief and Hope. 

If you experiencing intense emotions during your rainbow pregnancy you are not alone. For counseling services please contact Kull Counseling, LLC at 608.239.4807 or email julie@kullcounselingmadison.com. For information on support groups please contact Bereaved Parents of Madison,