How to survive the the first 1-3 months with a new baby
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Having a newborn baby can be life changing. It is common to have mixed emotions and not feel prepared. Having a newborn can be a very challenging time. Here are some tips that can be helpful from what I have learned working with postpartum moms/parents.
Self care- Self care is ever evolving and what you may need one day may not be what you need the next day. It is good to have options to make sure you are getting some sort of self care each day. Self care can be many different things- embracing your creative side, reading a book, calling a support person, getting enough food to eat, getting some movement, getting outside, sitting quietly or meditation. Self care can take all different forms. It is important to remember yourself through all of this and continue to support your needs as well as you baby’s needs. It is okay to say no. If you aren’t up for a visitor or you would not like your mother in law to move in for the first 2 weeks- it is okay to say no, it is important to listen to what you need.
Lower expectations- having a baby can be wonderful. It can also be exhausting, boring, and challenging. It is okay to not love being a parent every moment of every day. If you find that you are not feeling any joy or do not feel connected to your baby click here. But if you have moments of joy and moments that you are not enjoying the newborn phase it is okay to take the pressure off that you have to love being a parent every moment of every day. Lowering expectations can also refer to the amount of things you want to get done in a day or what you thought this phase might look like.
Get into a routine- And no I am not referring to a big schedule that has you up at 5 a.m., working out at 6 a.m. and then making breakfast. I am referring to a more simplified routine. Between baby’s morning naps would you like to get in some movement, or get something to eat or is this a good time to get in some extra sleep for yourself. While at this stage when your baby will nap is largely out of control, but it can help to do a loose plan for the in between times or just picking one thing you want to get done each day. It can also help with feeling like yourself again to take a shower and get dressed each day when you are able to.
Build a community- I am sure you have all heard the quote- “it takes a village”. While you do not need an entire village to raise a baby, it is nice to have help and support around you. It can be important to connect with other new parents and it is nice to know who you can call or text when you just need someone to talk to. A community does not have to be just family and friends. It can be providers that support you- your doctor/midwife, your therapist, your pediatrician. All of these people are part of your community and part of your support team.
Be flexible- When you have a baby you do all kinds of planning. You plan for childcare and what the baby might need, you plan a room and where they will sleep. You plan what kind of parent you may be and what you might need from your partner if you have one. And then you have the baby and many of those lovely plans were not what you need. Something I hear over and over again from new moms is they had no idea what these first few weeks would be like. A baby is not going to fit into neat plans. Having a baby requires constant flexibility. Needs are constantly changing and it requires a lot of reassessing and pivoting on what is working for you and what is working for baby.
Ask for help- Do not hesitate to ask for help. Whether you have a question for your OBGYN or you Pediatrician- they are there to help. You are not bothering them. As a new parent you are not expected to be an expert at parenting. If you have questions ask. If you need support from a therapist Madison or a lactation consult or a postpartum doula, ask for help. If you need help at home or family support- ask for help.
For more information on Postpartum care or a therapist Madison contact julie@kullcounselingmadison.com.
