Pregnancy after infertility

You have been trying for days, months, maybe even years. Part of you felt that it was never going to happen, maybe you even started to prepare yourself for that and then it does. And maybe you feel some joy, but you might also feel shock, denial or numb. It might not feel real even after you take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. Everyone has advice to give when it comes to getting pregnant when diagnosed with infertility but what happens when you get pregnant after infertility?

Does the infertility diagnosis go away?

No! You are not suddenly cured because you now are pregnant. It doesn’t take away the stress, the longing, the anger, the resentment, how its impacted your mental health or your finances or the impact it had on relationships.

Why do I feel like an imposter?

You may feel like an imposter after getting pregnant. You have wanted to be in this group of pregnant people for so long and now that you are here it doesn’t feel right. You feel like you don’t fit in. Infertility has changed you and changed this narrative you have had about becoming a parent.

Why do I fell guilty?

You may even feel guilty after becoming pregnant. It is common to feel guilty about leaving behind those that are still struggling with infertility. This can be isolating and feel very lonely. If you are feeling like an imposter in the pregnancy group, but also no longer feel like you fit in the infertility groups it can be hard to feel supported.

I am pregnant so I can’t complain.

It is so common for women to feel like if pregnancy is hard or not what they expected that they are allowed to feel this way. You may be telling yourself well this is what I wanted so I can’t complain or you may also be hearing this from others or well you got pregnant what did you expect. Even if you have a very wanted pregnancy that you tried very hard to get, pregnancy is still hard, uncomfortable at times, and not what you expected. Your feelings are VALID!

I don’t feel attached to my pregnancy.

It is common after infertility or a loss to not feel attached right away. This is your protective part telling you this isn’t safe, we need to protect you. For most of you this will grow and develop naturally. If it doesn’t feel like you are slowly starting to develop or that it is feeling more and more real- therapy can help.

I am feeling anxious.

It is common to notice some anxiety or sadness about being pregnant. If you are noticing these frequently or noticing that they are increasing it is important to get help. If you are noticing intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks there is help.

To learn more about infertility counseling in Madison or anywhere in Wisconsin or to set up your free 15 minute consultation you can reach me here for a therapist Madison.